I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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