I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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