I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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