Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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