my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
