Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
