My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
