Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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