Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
