I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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