super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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