i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
