This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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