Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
