Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
