Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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