I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
