her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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