Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
