Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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