Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
