I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
