girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
