Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
