Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
