Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
