Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
