i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
