She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
