This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
