I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
