Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
