It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
