your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
