just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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