I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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