I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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