I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
