well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
