You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
