just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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