I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
