Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
