New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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