she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
