When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
