I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
