my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
