Sponge bath it is.
In America we eat man semen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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