I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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