Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
